Today marks 2 whole years MRSA free! I don’t think it’s any coincidence that while I was cleaning up and going through old files on my computer I stumbled across this piece that I wrote back in March 2010 not too long after my second MRSA infection. I wrote quite a bit about or MRSA adventures here on the blog (See label The Moffat MRSA Saga) but I tried to keep it pretty lighthearted. You know, as lighthearted as possible when dealing with what we ‘affectionately’ called the “flesh eating disease”. So I am a little hesitant to share this with you, because I feel like I haven’t really shared much up here that is extremely personal (and sharing such things can be difficult, as you may know), but given that it was fast and testimony meeting today (although I rarely go up to bear my testimony – I’m deathly afraid of public speaking, especially the improvisational kind) something tells me that maybe someone could benefit from what I wrote and what I felt and what I learned. At least, I hope that is the case.
After meeting at BYU, 4 months of friendship, 2 months of dating, and a 4 month engagement, I married my best friend in August of 2009. We were so excited to be starting our new life together! We were moving to San Diego so that John could get his masters’ and I would be able to finish my undergrad that I had started at BYU by finishing my last class online. I would find a job while John was in school. John’s program would only last a year and once he was finished, we would move to Chicago so that I could pursue my dream of going to pastry school and becoming a pastry chef. It was going to be perfect.
Seven months later, I have learned all too well that life doesn’t always turn out the way we plan. It began only days after our honeymoon ended: John suddenly had a boil on his chin. Though that subsided within a week, our troubles were yet to truly begin. Not too long after that, I had an abscess in my right hip. We didn’t know what was wrong, I only knew that it was swollen and the pressure was incredibly painful. I couldn’t walk. I couldn’t sleep. I was in pain constantly. Finally, after a long night of pain and tears, we knew it wasn’t going away and it was time to see a doctor.
After getting numbed and cut open and given plenty of antibiotics, the doctor took a culture and we got the results: I had MRSA. We learned that it was becoming known as a “superbug” because it is resistant to many antibiotics. So they put me on some pretty strong medication. They made me nauseous, so I couldn’t eat and felt sick most of the time. I had a gaping hole in my hip that had to be cleaned and bandaged 4 times a day. John had to draw up a schedule on Excel to keep track of all the meds I was taking. We were in the middle of applying for health insurance now that we were married. John’s application had been accepted, mine was not. There were countless trips to the urgent care, but I wasn’t insured! I had no primary care doctor. But we had to keep going back to urgent care to get the infection taken care of.
After about a month and a half, I was finally off antibiotics and the hole in my hip was healing. We thought “whew! Glad that’s over”. If we’d only known! Over the course of the next few months, John had his own collection of infections and trips to urgent care, I had an infection during our big holiday trip to see our families, John got what we think was the flu, I had bouts of nausea (and no, I wasn’t pregnant) and had had another infection due to the imbalance created from all of the antibiotics I had taken.
By the end of January, we were so worn out! I still hadn’t found a job during all those bouts of infection, and school was very stressful for John. There were many priesthood blessings given and it felt like our names were always on the prayer roll. But we finally recovered from all the physical ailments we had been through and I’d gotten insured at last (though that is another story in itself). Things were looking better and we thought we were done for a while. February went by quickly and we had no major problems. We thought we’d finally made it through our “big trial”. Though it had been difficult, trying, and stressful, we’d done it! We’d come closer to each other and to our Heavenly Father and we were feeling pretty good about that.
Then, I got another infection. This time, though I had been relieved and grateful that we’d healed from everything else, I started to think that this was a problem that really wasn’t ever going to go away. What if I just kept having recurring infections? Would this be something I would have to deal with for years to come? Will this ever really end? As the pressure, pain, and discomfort increased, I knew that once again, we were headed for the doctor. I was panicked. With the sensitivity of the location of the infection, I was worried about the possibility of being cut open again. I was afraid it was MRSA, come back to haunt me. I harbored the idea that all these infections were part of something much bigger, much more serious. What was happening to me?
I didn’t sleep much that week, worried and stressed about my situation. I felt so overwhelmed and abandoned, why had God let this happen again? Didn’t He know how much we’d suffered already? I prayed constantly for strength, but I felt so weak. Where was He?
When the night before the appointment finally came, I couldn’t handle it anymore. I was exhausted by the lack of sleep and the stress. After John and I had settled into bed, I broke down. I was so scared. I had so many fears and worries. I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Though I had the support of my wonderful husband, without the reassurance of the Spirit, I felt so alone. John helped me talk through my worries and fears regarding the doctor’s appointment. After that, I felt a little bit better, but I still felt as though God wasn’t hearing my prayers.
Then John asked me if I’d like a priesthood blessing. I couldn’t help it, the tears came again. I felt worse. I felt like I didn’t know where He was! I was so afraid; I confessed I had forgotten how to trust my Heavenly Father and my Savior to get me through this. We sat there and cried for what seemed like hours. My sweet John reminded me that I was never forsaken. That God heard my prayers. John’s faith and strength gave me the courage to accept yet another priesthood blessing. In the blessing, I was reminded once again that my Father in Heaven knew what I was going though and that He hears my prayers. At the close, I felt a peaceful calm, and although I still didn’t particularly want to have to see the doctor, I knew that everything would be okay.
The next morning, I was met by a surprise. No, the infection wasn’t gone, but something had changed. The infection had been in the form of another abscess and during the night, it had opened and drained. All on its own! The pressure and discomfort was gone, and I no longer had to worry about being cut open. That was the best thing that could have happened, if it wasn’t going to heal all the way on its own. I was astonished! Though the problem hadn’t been taken away, it had been brought to a point that I could handle. At the doctor’s, I was examined and a culture was taken, but that was all that was needed. I was given antibiotics. This was manageable! I had been so overwhelmed and felt so helpless the night before, but my situation had changed overnight. I knew, without a doubt, that our earnest prayers the night before and all that week had been answered.
I feel so humbled by His love. I know that He was with me, even when I felt so helpless, afraid, and alone. I am so grateful for the renewed faith I have gained through this experience. He didn’t take the problem away, but allowed me to grow through the trial. He reminded me that He is still there, waiting for us to turn to Him for help.
I’m quite sure that this isn’t the end of our trials; I can only imagine what’s in store for us yet. But I know that He will never forsake us; He is always, always there.
Even after this, I suffered through one more MRSA infection at the end of April 2010. It was extremely difficult for the two of us, but having this experience that I’ve written about helped me get through that third and final ordeal. I am so grateful to know that my Heavenly Father loves me enough to answer my prayers and help me to get through what we still consider to be our most challenging time together.
